Internalised Ableism with Chronic Illness & Neurodivergence

*From a Naturopathic Nutritionalist who specialises in chronic illness and is currently navigating the neurodivergent world.

Internalised Ableism. I’ve been doing this my whole life.

What is internalised ableism? It’s the internal pressure we put on ourselves to do “a thing” because everyone else is, or I should be able to, or someone asked me to. This way of speaking to ourselves in a pressured way even if we aren’t actually able to.

When you live with chronic illness, we do this all the time. There’s a party, we “should” go to because we don’t want to let our friend down, or what will people say if we don’t go. But in reality, we are in pain, our legs feel like weights, we have a headache, even the sunlight is hurting our eyes, we feel really very poorly but we suppress all that to go to the event. Internalised ableism. We think we can push through and "everyone else manages" so let's do it.

But ultimately we make ourselves feel worse by doing so.

Even as someone who is recovered from chronic illness but I suspect is neurodivergent, there is still internalised ableism.

Some examples:

Supermarkets – I really dislike the supermarket, it’s so over stimulating, it's noisy, it's bright, it’s labels and products everywhere, it’s countless choices, it’s smells. They are also a fairly recent invention, our grandmas went to the butcher then the grocer and the bakery, they weren’t going to these mega stores a few times a week. But internalised ableism says surely I’m making a big deal, it’s fine, I should go, it’s a normal thing to do.

Then I sat back and said hang on, it genuinely causes me stress, why am I doing this to myself. Now we get a food delivery. A very friendly man brings me by food to my door. I have the same slot every week, same time and I sit on my laptop in the quiet of my home and do my shopping. That is worth the £2 delivery fee. Hands down. But there’s so much internalised ableism with that (and some type of guilt).

Others are: concerts, aeroplanes, theatres, shopping centres, busy events – I don’t like them. I don’t enjoy them. I don’t feel comfortable there.

Some may say “The less you go to these places the worse your anxiety will be”. No it’s not anxiety, I don’t enjoy those spaces.  They feel overwhelming. And again, are a fairly new phenomena.

My point being, being neurodivergent doesn’t mean thinking in a “weird way” or “can’t cope”. It’s much more helpful to look at the systems society has invented and consider if we work well in them. If we don’t that’s ok. No more internalised ableism of I “should” be ok to do the thing. You can opt out and create “new systems”.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday where a clinical psychologist was explaining some people don’t feel the need to pursue a diagnosis because their lives are set up in such a way they don’t need a diagnosis. I’d say this was me. I've learnt a lot but we have set up our life in a way where we don’t get exhausted by systems.

We opt out of the school system, the medical system, we are trying to opt out of the food system as much as we can (we use a veg box delivery service and a butcher), we opt out of societal norms a lot of the time. I opt out of having an iPhone. We opt out of streaming services and over consumption.

Ways you can strip some of your internalised ableism:

• Cancel your gym membership and go for a walk in nature every week if that suits you better

• Start your own business to escape the toxic corporate job you’re in which is burning you out (long term vision)

• Say “sorry I can’t make it this time” to the party or event you don’t feel you can attend

• Ask your boss if you can work from home 2 days a week (even if everyone else works 5 in the office)

• Ask for help with things

• Get your shopping delivered rather than navigating a busy shop

• Honour your own body by not making plans in an evening - knowing a good nights sleep serves you better

• Stay clear from certain foods because they don't make you feel good - it doesn't matter how it makes someone else feel, it doesn't feel good for you

• Have the amount of children you feel is right - not how many society says we should have, or when

• Hire a cleaner (if your able) if cleaning your house causes you huge stress

I hope this is food for thought. It's good for our minds and bodies when we can speak up for what serves us rather than pushing ourselves constatly to fit in with others. It can cause those in autistic burnout or chronic illness to halt in their recovery.